Movie Review: Cats

Since HBO was running a special this week, I was able to watch the movie Cats for free! I already knew what I was in for: I saw the musical at the Kennedy Center last fall (read that blog post here), so I knew it was going to be a wack-a-doodle show full on nonsensical songs. 

So rather than tell you about the story (of which there isn't much), I'll just share my quick thoughts:

Pros (the much shorter list of the two)

-I appreciate that they included real dancers. I knew a lot of celebrities were in the film, so I didn't think I'd see actual ballet dancers and the like. But Francesca Hayward, Robert Fairchild, and Steven McRae are all professional dancers/singers/actors. Good for them! This definitely added a level of legitimacy to the movie that I was not expecting. 

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-Speaking of celebrities, Taylor Swift did not disappoint. She's a born performer, and I thought she did a great job. Too bad she only has one number!

-Rebel Wilson is great comedic relief. This show is already ridiculous, so why not make it even funnier, especially to make fun of the thing itself? I love when she jokes about suspecting that one of the male cats has been neutered since he can sing the high notes. HA!

-James Corden wasn't as funny, but I did like part of his song. Watch it below:

Just watch from 1:15-1:50 for the funniest bit!

-While the CGI is totally weird (see more on that below), I did like that the movie could include ear and tail movements. Cats emote a lot of their feelings through their ears and tails, and I liked seeing that portrayed in the film. 

Cons

-The cats in this show always look weird, because they're humans pretending to be cats that really don't look anything like real cats. Examples include:

• Why do the female characters have boobs? They're supposed to be cats, not humans! And since all of this is CGI, couldn't you edit them to look less... bodacious? They're cats!
• Cats' tails are not prehensile like a monkey's. They cannot wrap around and hold onto things, nor do they curl up at the end like a little snail shell. 
• Male calico cats, like Mungojerrie, are almost nonexistent. Nearly 100% of calico cats are female due to genetics. 
• Some of the cats wear clothes and/or shoes. Some don't, so does that mean they're naked?
• How small are these cats? Throughout the film, they look very tiny, especially when walking on the railroad tracks (see a video here, starting at 2:24). Is it that hard to estimate the actual perspective and size of a cat?

-If you thought human faces on cat bodies was strange, it's even worse on mice and cockroaches:

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-I don't remember the part about Macavity kidnapping other cats, and there's a new song for the cat named Victoria. This show is already bonkers. Don't change things unless they are going to help this story make sense!

Here's the new song, "Beautiful Ghosts," in case you're interested:

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-Why are Judi Dench and Ian McKellen in this movie?! Actors of their caliber, winners of Golden Globe and Tony awards, shouldn't have to stoop so low...

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-During Jason Derulo's "Rum Tum Tugger" song, the female cats are looking up at him with big doe eyes, while a white liquid is spilled everywhere... I feel like I just got a quick snap-shot of a porn BJ scene. See what I'm talking about at 3:33 in this video:

-I was disappointed by Jennifer Hudson's version of "Memories" (Don't @ me). She is a phenomenal singer, so I was really expecting to be blown away. But she didn't enunciate the words, and so many of them were whispered to the point of being inaudible. It didn't get me shivers like Keri René Fuller's singing did when I saw the show live:

This movie won SIX Razzie Awards; for those of you who do not know, all Razzies are for worst-anything, so not only to be nominated for nine of these awards but to win six (including worst picture, director, supporting actor, supporting actress, screenplay, and screen combo)?! That pretty sums up this movie and why you should not watch it. 

For more ranting on Cats, check out this hilarious list of 66 questions about the Cats' trailer. Some of those questions match my own!

*All GIFs are from www.giphy.com.