Labor Day Weekend Wedding: A Review

Let's just get it out there: I hate weddings. They are the epitome of self-absorption, a party I call "mandatory fun" because you're forcing me to celebrate your union to someone I barely know (and probably don't like). I usually don't know many other guests at weddings, and by the end I'm chomping at the bit to go home. This is also why I don't go to baby showers and the like. I'm fine celebrating birthdays: that really is YOUR day. But you're taking up too much of the calendar when you start getting married and having kids.

Needless to say, when I was invited to a wedding that would take place over Labor Day weekend, I was fuming. That is so selfish to pick a holiday weekend for your big event. I could have been sunbathing on the Cape! Since I was already furious that I'd have to give up this vacation, I planned on hating this wedding, start to finish.

It didn't begin well. First of all, I didn't know where to park (I drove about an hour to get to the venue.). Now, maybe these kinds of directions were listed on the wedding website and I didn't see them. Maybe. But probably not. So I ended up parking at a nearby parking garage, where I had to pay to park (I would have had to pay for street parking, too, since it was a Saturday). Charging your friends to park for your wedding is so rude. The bride and groom should have told everyone to park in the garage and then given each guest with a car a validated parking slip that was already paid for. But no.

And there was no signage to be seen. Once I parked, I kind of figured out where to go using Google Maps. Honestly, the biggest clue was seeing other people dressed up wandering aimlessly looking for the same place. It was the blind leading the blind. I ended up following a couple who were die-hard Northwestern fans, so they were equally as annoyed as I was because they had to miss the football game (the husband was watching it on his phone). We finally made it to the venue, which was an "amphitheater" (i.e. steps in grass). Again, no signage, just the give-away signs of microphones, a guy with a guitar, and horrible cheesy songs from the 2000's playing in the background. And the tent where the ceremony would take place was BRANDED. The tent had a huge car dealership logo on it. Ew! Unless that car dealership actually paid for that tent for your wedding (in which case, kudos to you for getting your own wedding sponsored), it was just tacky.

The park did have some beautiful waterlilies, though.

Since we were in a public park, there were tons of strangers walking around. This dog had shoes on!

The flower displays were quite pretty.

I knew this would be a religious ceremony, and I amused myself by silently muttering "Jesus Christ!" with an eye roll any time the son of God was actually mentioned during the service. But the ceremony was rather quick and painless, so at least it didn't last that long. And I was able to take my shoes off and wiggle my toes in the grass, so that was relaxing. Also, everybody looked good: the bridesmaids were wearing a pretty wine color, the boys looked pulled together, and the bride's dress wasn't that exciting, but it had pockets, so that was cool.

I was elated to learn that the reception was a very quick walk across a bridge at a local distillery (where I have a professional contact, no less). AND once I found out that it was an open bar, I was ecstatic. I knew the cocktails would be great because their "Forager Gin" is amazing. When I finally made it up to the bar, I asked for one of each of the signature cocktails; that way you don't have to wait in line twice. I would have suggested that those cocktails be made by the batch: it would have been less fancy, but it would have been a lot faster. At least I could enjoy the music: the DJ was playing great rock songs from the Beatles and such.

And of course once I had liquor in me, I was in a much better mood. The snacks during cocktail hour were: endive leaves filled with goat cheese and poached pear; fried risotto and cheese balls; lamb meatballs; and bread/crackers with crab dip and some crudité. The first two were delicious, I don't eat lamb, and as a girl from Maryland, the crab dip was sub-par. BUT I was excited that I was familiar with the catering company, and I knew two of the men working there that night! So they treated me well throughout the evening with more food, water, etc. It's always good to "know people."

When it was time to be seated for dinner, I was pretty happy with my table guests. There were two girls I know through the bride, and they didn't have dates, so I was happy we could all be together. And one couple was so much fun, and the husband and I hit it off immediately. The other two couples at the table were meh: one girl I had met at a party and she's ingratiatingly nerdy (her date was a quiet German man), and the other woman was so obnoxious and insisted on asking one of the other women about her baby even though 1. she herself did not have children and 2. it was clear this couple was excited to have a date night without the baby. Plus, I HATE baby talk, all the time, no exceptions. Talking at weddings is usually boring anyway. During the speeches, which were fine but not great, I found myself saying, "Clink, clink, clink, blah, blah, blah," because honestly, that's what that is. One of the other girls actually brought knitting with her to occupy herself. HA.

Our salads were plated, but the rest of dinner was a buffet. It was okay: I had salmon, red potatoes, veggies, and pearl cous cous. These are all foods I like, so I was happy about that, but it wasn't so amazingly special. I just wanted dessert, which for some reason society has deemed inedible until after the main meal.

After dinner, it was time to dance! Even though I love to dance, I usually don't at weddings because I don't have a date to dance with, and it's painful watching non-dancers try to move their bodies. But the DJ was playing great pop songs from the 90's, so I was in love. I danced with the other single girls and the cool couple, after which I quickly became a sweaty mess (I didn't have my hair pulled back). As we were shaking it, we kept our eye on the ice cream bar that we knew would open at any minute. As soon as we could get dessert, we did! I got chocolate ice cream and put my toppings of choice on it; I also grabbed a little mousse cup and a rose water custard. I have a huge sweet tooth, so it's hard for me to complain about dessert. But these were just so-so: ice cream is great, but I can have it any time; the mousse was gritty; the custard was boring. Sad.

I am not sure if the bride and groom planned this, but once dessert was served, the music got substantially worse. I was not sorry to miss the songs while I ate my dessert. And they weren't getting any better. So I said my goodbyes (the other girls had already left) and drove over to the Eastern Shore to visit with my parents for the rest of the holiday weekend.

I will admit that I (begrudgingly) had fun at this wedding. Not a total wash like I thought it would be!