Several of my friends have asked me if I have gone on any virtual or video dates since the quarantine restrictions were put in place at the beginning of the pandemic. My answer is a resounding NO. Why, you might ask? Here's are a couple of reasons:
- I'm sick of video calls. I have to do them for work, so why would I want to do them in my free time? I can barely muster the enthusiasm to have a Zoom call with my friends, let alone a stranger. Screens already take up the majority of my waking moments, and I'd rather not add one more reason to stare at blue light that will inherently affect my sleep later.
- This is the longest duration of time I've gone without feeling disrespected by men. Whenever I tell people this, they look sad and disappointed. Well, so am I. Dating for me is the equivalent of spending time with a man who patronizes me, objectifies my body, doesn't listen when I talk, doesn't care about my opinions, and puts himself before me every time. Actually, near the beginning of quarantine, a DC matchmaker sent out an email to her followers with a story from a man who said about his date, due to the circumstances, he "had to talk to her and get to know her." That's supposed to be encouraging?! Isn't that what all dating should be, not just when you have no other option? Quite discouraging, to say the least.
Subjecting myself to these behaviors online sounds even worse than in person: there's no opportunity to slam a door, spill a drink on his favorite shirt, slap him in the face, all those in-person cues that tell a man, "WTF is wrong with you?!" (Okay, I've never actually done any of those things, though those guys certainly deserved it, and then some.) I guess I could simply close my laptop, but there's little satisfaction in that, like hanging up on someone with your cell phone instead of the good ol' crash of an old-school telephone.
- There's no free food in virtual dating. Because of the aforementioned disrespect, along with the fact that a lot of dating conversations are awkward and/or boring (having communication/story-telling skills is highly underrated), the best part of the date tends to be the free food. And that's if he pays: men of my generation are using feminism as a crutch to keep their credit card debt slightly lower than it already is. So going on a virtual date, when I'm guaranteed a monotonous conversation ("What do you miss most about the 'before' times? What have you watched on Netflix? Aren't you tired of Zoom calls?") AND there are no free tacos or wine? I'm out.
- I'm not putting on make-up to sit at home. One of the double standards when it comes to dating is that women are supposed to glam themselves up, wearing a sexy outfit, high heels, and a face of make-up for a date; men can wear the same sweatshirt and sneakers every time they see you. It's already a chore to get ready for a date (You're just hoping your lipstick doesn't come off during that *hopefully* free meal.). So I'm not going to go through the rigmarole of putting on lipstick, eyeliner, mascara, and blush (which I realize isn't that much make-up compared to the thick foundation and false eyelashes some women wear) just to sit on my couch and stare at a computer screen. Photos don't do me justice, so how would a poorly-lit screen shot help my case? If you want to see me at my best, you're going to have to see me in person, which ain't gonna happen right now (or ever, let's be realistic).
So, no, I'm not virtual dating, I'm not seeing anyone IRL; I'm too busy making myself happy. 😀
*All GIFs came from Giphy.com.
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