College dating

This post is in response to the article "Why is College Dating So Screwed Up?" from Cosmopolitan, written by Charlotte Leiberman.

At first I was appalled by the title of the article. I thought, "College dating isn't screwed up! I had a very healthy relationship in college." But I realize that I am in the minority, especially when it comes to colleges that have "male-dominated social spaces" (i.e. fraternities and such). I had a few friends who were in relationships on campus, but most were single who complained about the dating scene. I was mostly oblivious. Sure, I did the whole hook-up thing my freshman year, but I totally embraced it. I had this attitude: "All through high school I was too busy with school (and therefore too much of a nerd) to date anyone. Now I'm at a school where everyone is smart, so now people see me as the hot freshman! How cool!" I chose who I hooked up with (not the other way around), and I definitely played the who-cares-less game, creeping out quietly in the morning and following up with an email that roughly said, "We hooked up. No big deal. See you around." I felt totally empowered, and I made my own rules about dating.

I did have one bad hook-up experience my freshman spring. The guy definitely had no respect for me or my wishes, saying things like, "Losing your virginity isn't a big deal. It just means I have to buy new sheets" and calling me the C-word as a term of endearment (WTF). We "dated" for two weeks, which means we hung out a handful of times, and each time I felt unsure of myself and intimidated by this man (okay, a big boy). I called him to tell him that I wasn't into it and I was done. Then I spent the rest of the spring and all summer NOT dealing with boys and just enjoying being a young woman in her own skin.

But once I returned to school for my sophomore fall, I really did want a relationship. I felt that I had "sown my wild oats" my freshman year, and I didn't want to deal with any more jerks like that one guy. But I didn't go out LOOKING for love. I just let things happen, enjoying myself and going out with my friends, figuring I'd meet a guy. And I did. For a couple of weeks I was seeing a senior whom I really liked, but I knew he didn't want a serious relationship for his last year in school. So I kept my options open. I ended up meeting a friend of a friend at a dance party, and that was the beginning of a two-and-a-half-year-long relationship.

What made this relationship work for so long? Several things:

1. Communication: The article in Cosmo mentions the lack of communication, or just brief text/email messages, as a problem with college relationships. I agree, and that is why you should talk in person with the person you have a crush on. There's less ambiguity there: you can read the person's body language, hear intonations in his/her voice, and you don't have to read into what the person is saying like in a text message. And talk often. Soon into our relationship (what, a week or two?) I admitted that I'd like to see him every day since I really liked him. He agreed, and from then on we talked every day. And we were very open and honest, which the article also mentions is not always the case with college students. We talked about things that upset us, what we needed out of the relationship, etc. And while conversations like that can be tough to have, you feel SO much relief when you get it all out there and know that you're both on the same page. These talks show that you both care about each other, and that you're not just playing games.


2. Self-Respect: If you don't love and respect yourself, you are going to have a very hard time finding yourself in a good relationship. If you don't love yourself, why should anyone else? I think everyone agrees that confidence in another person is very attractive, so that's step #1. You shouldn't even attempt to be in a relationship with another person until you know who you are, what you want, etc. When you know those things, you are more likely to choose a partner who is right for you, and you're less likely to compromise on your values. For example (and maybe this makes me less of a feminist but), I am a sucker for chivalry. When this guy walked me home the morning after we first hooked up, I was floored. I was thinking, "Wow, this guy is going to walk me home?! That is so nice!" I knew that I wanted someone who would treat me like a lady. I felt like he respected me and my feelings, and in turn, I could respect him for that.

3. Sex: Although many people claim that casual sex is completely normal and healthy for college students, I'm not so sure. I should note that when I've said "hooked up" previously in this piece, I mean making out and heavy petting. I had a rule for myself that I wouldn't have sex until I was actually in love with someone, and he was in love with me. That way, I wouldn't be hurt emotionally, and he wouldn't see me as a one-night-stand; I wouldn't regret it, and I'd still respect myself in the morning. And that's exactly how it happened. I let myself have physical experiences with other people, but when it came to actually having sex, I waited until I was in a real relationship. We had been dating for ~3 months, we really knew each other, and we were in love. And even though the relationship didn't last, I don't ever regret this experience. Waiting to have sex removes a lot of those chances of getting hurt and being confused about feelings (both your own and those of the other person). AND if he's willing to wait, then he's probably the kind of guy who wants a relationship and doesn't just want to casually date. Once you are having monogamous sex, being open and talking to each other (see 1) about it is very important for a healthy sex life, too.

Again, I realize that my experience is not the norm for college students. I was the girl who had the ideal relationship: My man wasn't a frat-bro, he took me out to dinner and sent me flowers, he was an emotionally sensitive and sweet guy...I know most college boys aren't like that. I still consider myself very lucky and blessed to have had that relationship, even if it ended on a sour note (no need to get into that!). So college dating doesn't have to be "screwed up." If you love yourself, stick to your guns, and keep the lines of communication open, love will happen.

And if it doesn't happen in college, so what? What's the rush? I guess that will have to wait until another post...

Recipe: Rice Krispies Treats

I had leftover marshmallows from a bonfire, and I had a partially-eaten box of Rice Krispies. So what to do? Make Rice Krispies treats, of course! I found the original recipe online, and it was super-easy! Voila!

Ingredients

• 3 tablespoons butter
• 1 package (10 oz., about 40) JET-PUFFED Marshmallows OR 4 cups JET-PUFFED Miniature Marshmallows
• 6 cups Kellogg's® Rice Krispies® cereal

Directions

1. In large saucepan melt butter over low heat. Add marshmallows and stir until completely melted. Remove from heat.

2. Add cereal. Stir until well coated.

3. Using buttered spatula or wax paper evenly press mixture into 13 x 9 x 2-inch pan coated with cooking spray. Cool. Cut into 2-inch squares. Best if served the same day.

It's that easy! Then you're one square away from childhood nostalgia...

Recipe: Spring/Easter Nest Treats

As Easter was approaching, I didn't know how to celebrate (food-wise) besides eating jelly beans. But I remembered as a kid eating some edible nests. I found a recipe online at AllRecipes.com, and they turned out great! I think this is a Kosher recipe, so you could make them for Passover, too!

Ingredients

(Makes 12 servings) 

• 3 drops green food coloring
• 1/2 teaspoon milk
• 1 1/3 cups flaked coconut
• 6 ounces white confectioners' coating
• Bag of your favorite jelly beans or  malt ball eggs

Directions

1. In a small bowl, mix food coloring with milk; add coconut and mix until evenly tinted; set aside.
2. Melt confectioners' coating over a double boiler or in the microwave, stirring every 15 to 30 seconds until smooth. Mix with coconut mixture and place by spoonfuls on waxed paper. Shape mixture like a bird's nest, making a slight indentation in the center of each one.
3. Cool completely and decorate by placing candies in the center of each nest. 

Note: The coconut definitely sticks together better with more confectioners' coating. So use a lot! Also, you can see from my photo that I made green and pink nests, and some I combined the two colors, so have fun with it!

Movie Review: Gigli [Spoilers]

Image from: http://www.impawards.com/2003/gigli.html

Okay, I realize that Gigli came out AGES ago when Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez were actually dating in real life. I remember that it got horrible reviews and was a total flop. So I never watched it. But when I saw it was on Netflix Watch Instantly, I figured I'd judge the movie for myself.

I actually didn't think it was that bad! I mean, yes, there were some awkward scenes, like when Lopez' lesbian lover shows up and slits her wrists, or when Lopez tortures Affleck's libido by talking explicitly about why she prefers having sex with women to men (i.e. how the lips around your mouth and those around the vagina mirror each other) while doing yoga in a sports bra and spandex shorts on top of that. So there were some weird parts. And I agree this movie was not award-winning material, and both actors have done better work. But I thought Justin Bartha (the lovable side-kick in National Treasure) did an amazing job playing a mentally-handicapped person (ugh, how can I say that in a politically correct way?! I mean no offense by that term or by complimenting Bartha on his acting skills). Plus, seeing Bennifer together is hot.

Movie Review: Draft Day [Spoilers]

Image: http://cdn.screenrant.com/wp-content/uploads/draft-day-poster.jpg

Last night I went to see Draft Day. I mean, who can resist a Kevin Costner sports movie? And he didn't disappoint. This was another fun movie for sports fans and movie goers alike. But I will say, I thought it was pretty predictable. I mean, sleeping with your co-worker (played by Jennifer Garner, whom I can't stand to begin with because of those teeth, but also is just too young for him) is so cliche. And the whole plot of the movie is all about the tension of who you're going to pick at the NFL draft. But I knew who he was going to go with. No way is Costner going to go for the All-American dream rookie quarterback: that would be too easy! In the end, everyone is happy with whom they picked for their teams. And Costner and Garner stop hiding their secret-not-so-secret relationship, mainly because she's knocked up. How irresponsible. Blech. But still, good movie. Not great classic like some of his others (see below), but still entertaining.

Other Costner sports movies (in case you've been living under a rock):
Tin Cup
Bull Durham
Field of Dreams
For Love of the Game

Cherry Blossoms in DC

Everybody knows about the cherry blossoms in spring in Washington, DC. The trees were a gift from Japan, and these pretty pink and white trees surround the tidal basin near the monuments downtown. I've lived in the DC area for two years now, and grew up in Maryland, but this was the first time I actually went down to see the trees. My boyfriend and I had a picnic near the Martin Luther King, Jr. memorial and mused beneath the trees there. Here are some photos (these aren't my best ones):

Flowers are one of the reasons why spring is my favorite season (not just because my birthday is in April). How can you not be happy while looking at trees? They make me smile. Like this:

Movie Review: Dom Hemingway (Spoilers)

 

Image Source: http://thesource.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/dom-hemingway-poster.jpg

As others have noted, Dom Hemingway is the British version of The Wolf of Wall Street. There's drinking, drugs, sex, and cursing galore in this film. I think it may even be filthier than DiCaprio's movie, even if it doesn't use the F-word in particular as much. First of all, the movie opens with Jude Law's character getting a blow job, and during the act he just goes on and on about how "exquisite" his "cock" is. If I had been sitting in an aisle seat, I would have walked out right there. But alas, I was right in the middle of the row, so I was stuck in the theater for an hour and a half listening to foul language, watching half-naked women swimming or playing ping pong, and following along this sorry excuse for a man, a criminal who deserves what "shitty luck" he gets.

Perhaps there's some symbolism or deeper meaning that eludes me.  Is the picture of a monkey behind this man supposed to say he's really just an animal? I don't know.

I'll admit, I can be a prude sometimes, and I watch movies at a surface level. But I think many people would cringe at the vulgarity of this film, whether there is a hidden message in it or not.