Wednesday, May 1, 2019

2019 Hump! Film Festival [SPOILERS]


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I read Dan Savage's column, "Savage Love," pretty regularly, but I had never been to his Hump! Film Festival before. Hump! features short (~5 minutes) films that people have made about sex (and they don't necessarily have to be pornographic). There are prizes for the top films, like best humor, best sex, etc. My friend had been to the screening last year, and she invited me to join her last week. It was quite the experience!

Before the screening started, there were some ground rules we all had to abide by to respect the filmmakers as well as fellow audience members. Cell phones had to be completely turned off, and no photography or filming was allowed. We also were told that no rude remarks or comments could be made during the screening (although natural reactions like a laugh or gasp were okay). And of course no masturbating could take place at the venue!

Of course all the films differ from year to year (and this was the 14th year of Hump!). There was good variety of the screened submissions, and I just want to give you a taste of what this festival was like. Here are tiny synopses of the films we saw, along with my commentary.

Paint Party - I thought this was a great film for the festival to start out with because it was artsy, not too graphic, and didn't feature any faces (it sort of eased the audience into the experience). The film features both male and female naked bodies in the dark, and due to a black-light, the only thing lit in the frame is the neon paint being poured and smeared on the bodies. Techno music is in the background repeating the words "paint party" over and over again, so the bodies are dancing and moving to a specific soundtrack. I thought the film was very well done, in so much as appreciating the human form in a (literal) light that you may not see it.

Bloom - This film opened with two naked women meeting in a field. They quickly start discovering each other’s bodies, and flowers pop up along their torsos and even in their mouths. The background narrative is like a poem, or ode, to a lover. In the end, the women are in a bedroom, as if the outdoor experience were a dream; one of them finds a tiny flower, which makes you think the adventure did indeed happen. I really liked this film, because I thought it was romantic. I also liked the contrast between the spectacled, assumingly-shy (but not) Asian woman with her tattooed partner with the nearly-shaved head; they looked so good together!

Campground - I really didn’t like this film. Even though it shows sex between two men, I honestly kept thinking, “This is so hetero” in my mind, because the rest of it was what I normally see in porn: hard, graphic sex with no romantic connection between the two people. A man is camping in the woods, and an unidentified stranger just starts fucking him in the ass really hard. He then disappears, and later returns for more. I might describe it as rape except the camper seemed to like it and consent to what was happening (although consent was never made verbally). Maybe the film seemed artistic because of its colorful filter, but I didn’t think anything was special about it. 

Jump Start My Love - For me, this was the most typical, heterosexual porn of the entire selection. Other than the fact that the two people were older and that the man was quite overweight, the rest of the show seemed like anything else you could find on Porn Hub: jack-rabbit-like sex, a dick shoved down a woman’s throat until she gags, that sort of thing. Don’t get me wrong: I understand that some people do like this kind of sex. But I feel like a lot of us (especially heterosexual women) aren’t actually into this. It’s just what the porn industry and society is telling us what “hot” sex should be. 

Unicorn - I love unicorns (the horned horse), so I was kind of hoping this film would be full of glitter and sparkles and that sort of thing. It was not like that at all, but it was a very good film. Two women are fooling around in bed, and it seems pretty “regular.” But in the following segments, you see that one of them is paralyzed from the waist down and needs a wheelchair. So we later see how sex works in this situation: they’re floating in a lake, she’s balanced against a tree in the wilderness, things like that. Handicapped or disabled (I don’t like either of those terms, but for lack of a better word) people are rarely highlighted in porn, so I was glad to see such inclusivity in this film festival (not that I ever doubted that would be a huge part of this event). The bond between these two women and how caring they are for each other was very sweet to watch; you’re rooting for them the whole time. 

My Cathartic Release (Winner, Best Kink) - This was the only animated film of the entire screening. A woman is telling her story of feeling depressed and how she was in a dark place. She had heard that a sexual experience could lead to some sort of catharsis from what she was feeling. The drawings show her going to professional doms who do a very good job of warming her up before hitting her with paddles, whips, etc. She starts crying but doesn’t want them to stop. She states that it was the first time she felt like she could breathe, as her cartoon self swims to the surface of the deep water. In my vanilla, hetero-normative sex-life, I never even contemplate sexual experiences like this, so this film was one of the more educational ones. I think it’s great that this film was included in Hump!, especially since it truly was a work of art with the animation. 

Task Master - This may have been the weirdest film to watch. An older, bearded man gets a text from his taskmaster (i.e. a dom telling him what to do), and the film follows him going through each task. He goes to the grocery store and buys a bunch of random items, and then we see him near a river laying out a tarp before going through all of the tasks. He mostly has to pour food on his head (red pasta sauce, alfredo sauce, chocolate sauce), but he also puts food in his jock strap before eating it and things like that. He’s looking into the camera most of the time to prove to his taskmaster that he’s doing everything he’s told. The whole thing was a very big mess; at least he was near a body of water so he could quickly rinse off. 

Spin - This film focuses on a dream (fantasy?) of a transgender man in which he plays a kinky game of spin the bottle with a mix of other people of a variety of gender identities. Partners switch and play with each other the whole night, and our protagonist wakes up in bed covered in glitter. The dream did feel like a fantasy world, with blue and pink lighting (and sparkles, clearly). With the festival's goal of inclusivity and diversity, I thought this was a great film to feature. 


The Punishment - In this film, an Asian man is punishing his white, female partner for something (I think she dropped something in the kitchen?). They’re fooling around in the kitchen before going to a poorly-lit room where the real action happens. Again, this one felt to me like “normal” porn, but I do think the punishment fantasy is pretty common, so it makes sense this film was included in this festival. 

The Wheel of Fortune (Runner-up, Best Kink) - This film opens with five women laying on the floor of a white, sterile room; one woman is in the middle to almost form a star shape. She has her hands and feet inside each of the different women, and they are all chained to each other. You can hear another female voice in the background telling these other women what to do: they all have to orgasm at the same time if they want to be released.  They each end up with a very large vibrator, and they all orgasm except for the woman in the center. At that point the dom female shows up in her black corset and such and makes sure the center woman gets off, too. Kinky for sure!


Porn Yesterday (Winner, Jury Award) - This was one of the films that wasn’t pornographic at all. This one consists of multiple interviews with people (mostly middle-aged gay men) regarding how they discovered porn. Most of them found magazines or videos of a family member, and many seemed to have ordered International Male for themselves at some point, knowing what kind of images were waiting for them within the black plastic seal. The last part was very funny: one of the men said, “They should have Play Girl,” and you can hear a voice behind the camera saying, “They do have that.” The audience was laughing so hard!

Whatever Floats Your Goat (Runner-up, Best Humor) - This film was so funny! A farm girl is milking goats, but then a new “breed” of goat comes in to get milked: a woman wearing horns and a furry vest shows up on all fours, happily eating granola while the farmer tries to figure out how to milk this udder-less goat. Eventually, with latex gloves on, the farm girl starts touching the “goat,” and after a lot of work, “milk” spurts out everywhere. And then another “new” goat shows up for some action, too! The film ends with the three women (as people, not goats) drinking the “milk” from their escapades earlier that day. 

Please (Runner-up, Best Sex) - I enjoyed this film a lot, because it showed what consent looks like during rough sex. Throughout the film, you not only hear what is going on during the sex scene, but also narration from the partners of how they communicate before, during, and after an experience like that to make sure both parties are safe and happy with what is going on. He would lightly slap her in the face and demand that she say the magic word (“Please”), but would also tell her that she can say she wants to stop at any time. Explicit consent like this is not commonly portrayed in porn, and I appreciated not only the respect the partners showed each other, but also the educational aspect of this film (i.e. showing what proper consent looks like). 

Troughman (Winner, Best Humor) - I could see why this one won the Best Humor award! A man is hanging out in the men's room at a club, and he attempts to make small-talk with the other guys (each conversation is the same: "How are you?" "Have I seen you before?" etc.). Even though he's just making chit-chat, in his mind he bursts into song about how he really wants to ask them to pee on him! The song was clever, and his energy was very lively. In the end, one of the men interprets the common questions as a come-on, asking, "Are you asking me to piss on you?" So our lead man gets his wish!

Luminous Lust This was one of those films that made me think, “Wow, these two are made for each other.” A woman is touching herself, sending her female partner sexual videos and texts to entice her to come home. The second woman arrives and immediately “takes” the other on the kitchen counter, shoving her entire hand (like, up to the wrist) up her vagina. I didn’t even know that was possible! (I’m so naïve.) They are going at it hard, including hair pulling, tit-slapping, the whole thing. The film is narrated by the two of them talking about how they met, what they love about each other, etc. They were very in-sync with one another, and I appreciated how in-tune they were in knowing what the other partner wanted. I wouldn’t say the sex itself was romantic, but the fact that these two people clearly “clicked” on a whole other level was very enjoyable to watch. 

Home for Lunch - I didn’t really find anything unique about this film. A man is at home, waiting mostly-naked on the bed for his partner to come home for lunch. Then they have what I assume is “normal” gay sex, and that’s all. I didn’t think this film was artsy or educational or funny…it seemed like a video you could easily find online already. Meh. 

Extreme Wild Fuck (Winner, Best Sex) - This one starts out with a couple hiking in the woods up a mountain, every once in a while taking off a piece of clothing and touching each other. I thought that’s just how it would go: a couple would do it at the summit and that would be that. But we (and they in the film) are surprised when their GoPro scans out and we see many other couples and thouples having sex at the peak, too! The whole thing turns into an outdoor orgy, with people mixing and matching and other kinks thrown in (a woman pees on a guy’s face, and another guy puts a metal rod into his dick). I could see why this film won the “Best Sex” category: there was a lot going on!

Insomniacs - This was probably one of my least favorite of the bunch. It features a man, alone, hanging out in the hallway and roof of a motel, glowing in a neon green light from night-vision goggles the audience is “wearing.” He was touching himself, putting toys in his butt, etc. I think what bothered me was that he was doing all of this alone in a public place; what if an unsuspecting boarder came out of his or her room to discover this man? Perhaps that’s the point (and part of this man’s kink), but it seemed really creepy. 

Optic Perve - This was one of the funnier films. You never see any faces, just body parts, and they’re covered with googly eyes. Sometimes it was just one eye, like on the tip of a penis. But other times there was a mosaic of eyes covering entire butt cheeks and such. As the bodies bumped and bounced, some of the eyes would fly off in the excitement; sometimes it looked like the body parts were making eye contact with each other. I enjoyed the silliness of it all. 

Around the World in 80 Lays (Winner, Best in Show) - This one definitely won “Best in Show” because of the incredible effort it took to make! The film shows a couple having sex in exotic places around the world to the Johnny Cash song, “I’ve Been Everywhere” (although I believe the lyrics changed to “I’ve fucked everywhere”). They were in India, Indonesia, Vietnam, Morocco, and more. Most of the sex happened outside, which made me hope they were in a secluded area (I hope they never got arrested!), but sometimes they were in their hotels, too. There were a variety of positions shown, although I feel like she went down on him more often than he returned the favor for her. Either way, it definitely took a lot of time, effort, and money to make this film, so good for them!

And there was one other, but I honestly can't remember it! I guess it didn't really jump out at me. But you can see even from this list what variety Hump! features. I will definitely go next year!

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