Cats: the weirdest musical in the world

I had certainly heard of the musical Cats before. But I only knew it by name, and was aware that it's about singing cats. I was expecting to hear the song Stray Cat Strut. I was wrong. I am still wondering if the $35 I spent for a discounted ticket to see the show at the Kennedy Center was worth the experience I had.

Image found here

The set of the entire show is essentially a big trash heap, where I figure these cats live. A full moon illuminates the stage, and bistro lights hung over the audience. It wasn't spectacular, like Aladdin was. And later the big tire in the back turns into a UFO. Random.

The show began with little sets of eyes lighting up throughout the set, like how you would see a cat's eyes glow in the dark. Then the actors started coming down the aisles wearing hats with lit up eyes on them. Everything was dark until the cats started coming onto the stage.

The company included more than 20 people. Image found here

Quickly you realize how strange this show is and nothing really makes sense. Jellicle is not a real word, and these cats are named things like Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer. I did a little research, and Cats is based off of the poems/stories that T.S. Eliot wrote for his godchildren (now condensed into a book). It also is important to understand that T.S. Eliot was mostly likely drunk when writing these tales (and I wouldn't be surprised if he were a little high, too). And then Andrew Lloyd Webber turned it into a musical, God knows why.

This show has no story. There is no plot. The closest we get to it is that we know the cats will gather for the Jellicle Ball, and then one cat will be chosen to be reborn (kind of like in Logan's Run). Otherwise, most of the show is spent introducing cats and telling their individual stories of who they are. There's nothing to follow, so you're thinking the whole time, "Where is this going?" The answer is Nowhere.

And I need to address the costumes. These are very sexualized cats, wearing shiny bodysuits that leave little to the imagination. In no way did the actors actually look like cats; barely any fur was actually incorporated in the costumes. Cats do not wear feathery epaulettes and legwarmers. Cats heads and ears aren't that out of proportion to their bodies; headbands with ears would have been more effective than the awful wigs the actors were wearing. And while some of the men did their make-up so their lips mimicked those of cats, the women were wearing red lipstick, making no attempt to look like cats at all. The costumes are almost like drag, except drag is way better.

The leather pants that McGee Maddox wore as Rum Tum Tugger showed quite the bulge. Image found here

Asparagus (played by Timothy Gulan) was wearing a colorful patchwork-quilted coat; that's a human thing, not a cat thing. Image found here.

Mistoffelees (played by PJ DiGaetano) wore rhinestones and a light-up jacket that would change color. NOT cat attire. Image found here

Caitlin Bond's make-up was awful. What white cat has black eyebrows?! Image found here.

Not only did the actors not look like cats, but they didn't move like cats, either. That really surprised me, because cats naturally are quite graceful animals. The way they slink and pounce, they're very nimble creatures. Instead the choreography included yoga moves and things like that. It didn't make much sense. And sometimes they aren't even playing cats: you have cats as tap dancing cockroaches (who looked more like hubcaps), or cats creating a make-shift train. Huh?

And most of the music was like cloying carnival music, or little peek-a-boo music. The show first came out in 1981, so there is definitely an 80's vibe. But it's the worst part of 80's music. The only redeeming quality of this show was Keri René Fuller's performance as Grizabella singing Memory:

If this blog post has not convinced you NOT to see this show, here's the official trailer:

WHY DOES THIS MUSICAL EXIST?!

If you'd like to read another review, check out the one from the DC Theatre Scene. And WTOP has an interview, too.